Saturday, December 17, 2011


I've kinda had a breakdown this week.Haven't combed my hair,taken a shower,gotten dressed,I have been brushing my teeth though. These are my decorating for Christmas pictures.Actually just a few of them,cause every room in my house is a total wreck.The living area is better than it was though.I've been trying to unpack my nemesis,THE GARAGE while trying to decorate for Christmas. I have unpacked many many boxes. I have always decorated to the hilt and went all out full steam ahead at Christmas time.I always knew why I did it,it made everybody happy,but it also masked the pain of a 10 year old girl whose Mom went to the hospital Christmas night and died the next day.For the last 5 years John & I were so unhappy where we were living and with the money problems that forced our bankruptcy,that there just wasn't much decorating at Christmas.When I managed to get this house for us,one of the very 1st things that John said to me was,boy we're really gonna decorate this Christmas.So I have been trying so hard to do just that!! But at the same time I'm still continuing to deal with problems since John died almost on a daily basis.It would probably take me 2 days to explain all of it to you.People tell me how strong I am dealing with everything,but I don't feel that. All I feel is an extreme lonliness like no other.What seems to have really set this breakdown off this week is that I looked at the calender and remembered that today would have been my sister's birthday if she was still here.Then I thought about how alone I really am and how totally isolated,since I can't drive and go anywhere.THEN the sobbing started.Not just crying,sobbing to a point that your head hurts and you feel like you want to throw up and yet you can't stop.When I would finally stop,it would just start over again.BUT i have continued to hook,& stitch & sew & decorate,not finishing anything.I HAVE to tell you though about my 2 Lories who have steadfastly stood by me on the phone!!!!That would be Lori Rippey and Lori Brechlin.There's not enough good words that I can say about them,other than I love them and thank them with all my heart.Lori B. called PayPal and told them that she was a Social Worker and my Advocate and they needed to get things taken care of for me the RIGHT way.We then ended up on a 3 way call & things are in the process of being taken care of.You're thinking,PayPal what do they have to do with this?? Well years ago when I didn't even know how to turn the 'puter on,John set everything up with Paypal & eBay so I could start selling.BUT when he did that he used all his info,SS # & birth date,etc.Well in these past months it hasn't been enough for PayPal to tell them my husband died.It almost takes an act of Congress OR a threatening Lori Brechlin to change things!!It's not like I haven't been working on this for months.But they'd tell me I had to provide impossible things,like a picture of my attorney REALLY. But thanks to Lori it's in the works right now to change it to just have my name on it and not have John's as the primary.Would you have EVER thought my husband's death would be that big of a problem with a stupid little PayPal account??? That's how things have been everyday since John's been gone.Lori made another call too I guess it was to the department of aging in Cleveland who in turn called the MS society and I spoke to both on the phone.On my own I called Hospice and a counselor came right over yesterday morning.First I had to adamently assure all these people that suicide is SO TOTALLY out of the question for me!!! The Hospice counselor is very concerned when she came and saw the condition I'm in.She's afraid that my medications aren't working and that it's not usually a part of grieving that I have stopped doing the basic things for myself,like combing my hair.She sad that I am very clinically depressed.I'm very ashamed to say that my kids have no clue about the condition I'm in because they haven't called or come over or checked to see if I have any food,which I don't.This is NOT the way that they were raised.They saw their Dad and I always helping others. They're just too busy. But I say selfish. I'll pull myself out!!! I always have since I was that little 10 year old girl who had to become an adult overnight.And I'm working on getting in to see a woman neurologist who's also a physiciatrist that the MS Society recommended to me.
God knows that this is an UNBELIEVEABLY long post And I'm sure that I have all the pictures screwed up,but I'd like to show you 2 things that I finished last week that are original designs and both are for sale.

Both thes original hookings can put a smile on your face all winter long!!!
The Snowman rug is 11" round. It's $79.00 + shipping
The Hanging Snowman is 6" long. His hat is made from an old sweater and there's an antique button sewed on the end of his hat. He's $29.99 + shipping.


  1. Sherry, it's good to get it out. By writing, by crying, whatever means it takes. What a Blessing Lori and Lori have been to you! You ARE a strong person and that is what is going to bring you through all of this. Along with the Prayers that people will be lifting up for you. I will be one of them. Merry Christmas!

  2. Dear Sherry, I am glad you spoke from your heart and poured out your feelings of loss and aloneness you feel. Your friends sound like the salt of this Earth. Everyone is allowed meltdowns. Living with MS is a hard road and sometimes others can't fully realize how difficult it is without another person to help with daily things, What you do have up looks lovely,Sometimes loved ones just don't get it and friends do. Big Hug, Cheri

  3. Oh sherry I am so sorry for your heart ache.
    glad you have two angels. You need to hook up with meals on wheels in your area. Not only will they bring you a fresh prepared meal every day it will be someone to connect with every day. I know a few folks that get it and they love it and love the people who come each day to deliver.Being alone is the worse thing for you.Sherry could you email me I have some information to help you.

  4. Dear Sherry, my heart goes out to you after reading your post! You are certainly stronger than you think and your decorating and crafty activities are very therapeutic, so keep it up! Love your work. The love and support of friends and family will help you through this tough holiday. Don't feel guilty about calling on those kids to help out if you're in need of food and such! Take good care of YOU and God Bless!

  5. Sherry,
    I came across your blog as I clicked "Next Blog" at the top of my screen. I am so sorry for your losses of those you love so much. I am praying for you. I encourage you to go to church this weekend if you can possibly get there. It seems that God is drawing you to Himself through your deep, deep sorrow. Only He can give the strength you need. We are weak, but He is strong. Pursue Him, dear one.


  6. Sherry,
    Oh my dear...I can so relate to your grief over you mother's death. My father also died over Christmas Eve when I was a girl...the holidays always bring a mixed bag anyway, but you also have so much more grief going on right now. I'm glad you are sharing with us...I only wish I lived closer to lend more of a hand. Please know that you have friends all over blog land. Email me anytime...even just to vent. I'm keeping you in my deepest prayers. I'm so glad that Lori was able to work out some of the paypal issues. I also understand just how much our families can fail us. Remember that you have friends who care deeply.
    All my best,

  7. Oh, Sherry, I would ever so much love to have you as a friend. We could compare stories ~ then eat chocolate and talk "good" talk while we stitch! Wish we lived close so I could come see you right away. How about next Spring? I'll do the cooking! Living alone is a completely different way of life but we adapt ~ we're women! Wishing you a serene Merry Christmas and a wondrous New Year! Linda Love,

  8. Sherry you need companionship. How about a roommate?
    Can you find someone thru the MS society? Someone near in age, but with more physical abilities.
    I know a gal that was disabled, she got a roommate that could get around well, was just a bit younger and drove. The two of them became roommates, became good friends and were able to get out and experience the town.
    THe driver was lonely, the disabled gal was loney. Now the two gals are on the move. We hardly ever see them. THey are quite active.

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