Sunday, July 10, 2011
my Dear Husband.
I FINALLY won my battle to bring John home. All the equipment was delivered 1st and then the ambulance arrived with John straight from the ICU and the respitory therapist,to teach me how to use all the machines,about 3:00 Friday afternoon.Mike ran to Sears to buy a little door bell that he installed on the wall by John's bed,so that if he needed me and I wasn't in there he could just press the button and the bell would ring in the living room. Ron was there along with Mary Jo & Mike & the nurse who was trying to get 2 pages of meds taken care of.Ron told the kids that he was worried about me doing this alone since they saw me almost falling several times as I was learning everything I had to do and going back & forth to John's room.
I just told them,I'll be OK I just need to slow down and get into my wheelchair 1st instead of just using my cane.
I felt very sad that evening when everyone was gone. John really wasn't talking and had even turned the TV off. I was waiting for Hospice to deliver the narcotics that I needed for him.He really needed the Aderol that would keep him calm and not try so hard to breathe. I put it in a dish of applesauce and fed it to him.Then I put The B-Pap on him and told him that it was nite nite for him. I checked him before I went to bed after 11:30. I got up at 2 a.m. to check him. Something was wrong.His arms where in the same position as the last time I had checked.The machines were still going.He was so swollen I was having a hard time finding a pulse in his wrists or neck,at least that's what I wanted to believe.I kept putting the pulsacs on his finger,but it wouldn't give me a number.I kept trying to rub his chest and call his name.I laid my head on his chest and nothing.I called Hospice and the nurse came to verify what I already knew,but didn't want to believe,he was gone. She called the funeral home and prepared his body for them.It was 5:30 a.m. when they all left.I went to bed till 7:30 a.m.
This morning we had to go to the funeral home to make the arrangements I had written John's obituary.Actually I wrote it in my head and when Mary Jo came to pick me up I asked her to write it on paper as I told it to her.The picture that I'm showing here is the one I chose to be published in the newspaper with the obituary. It's totally him.His face shows the intensity of the 110% he always gave to the job he loved and gave his life for.
His funeral will be VERY tough and emotional,but I'm giving him the send off that he deserves. Visitation will be Tuesday from 4-7.There will be an Honor Guard of 2 Firemen at attention in full dress uniform the whole time.One at the head of the casket and one at the foot and they will ceremoniously change guards at certain times. There will also be an American flag,to honor John's military service in the Air Force and also the Fire Dept. flag.
The funeral mass will be at 11 a.m. Wed. The procession to St. Mary's Church will be the hearse and behind it the fire dept.'s rescue truck that he had a large part in designing. The pall bearers will be 6 Fireman in full dress.
The luncheon will be here where I live at Bud's building where they have a room and an outdoor patio and lawn area with umbrella covered tables set up.Cafe 83,which Bud also owns will cater. Heather,one of Bud's assistants,who's also fast become a very dear friend to me asked me yesterday if she could do this.She'll be coming over tomorrow to discuss the plans.Ever since we moved here the people have been so wonderful to me,even John only got to live here a little over 2 weeks,he loved it here too and I will be inviting all the neighbors. I hope with all my heart that I will be able to stay here.
Last but certainly not least,THANK YOU to all of you for your VERY touching posts,emails and prayers.
To a TRUE HERO, Lt.John S.Kristoff
Posted by From Sherry's Heart at 12:18 PM
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
they almost did it AGAIN. For the 2nd time they almost killed John. This time it was in less than 24 hours and even worse. In all their wisdom and Medicare orders (I'm sure)they sent John to ANOTHER rehab place Friday evening. Shocked?????????
I know I was!!! John called me early Saturday morning,very upset.Said they weren't ready for him there either.I told him OK I'll see what I can do. I called and asked for the Charge Nurse.Well after I had to hear about how tired she was since she had come in to work at 3 a.m. REALLY???? and it was only 7:30 a.m.,said she'd go talk to him. I called Mary Jo,since she lives close to the place and told her to go check on her Dad.She said that they had a nice visit,but that they wouldn't move him into a chair cause his counts were too high.Mary Jo then came to my house to change my sheets and run the sweeper,etc. When she was leaving I said,I'm gonna call Lifecare and check on Dad.I called,said who I was and that I was checking on John.The I get,Oh Mrs. Kristoff,um you need to get to the ER,we've called an ambulance.OK panic mode trying to call Mike and Mary Jo,can't get hold of them!!! Luckily Mike checks his phone often in case I call. I had to wait till his wife found a babysitter and then could come and get me while Mike went straight to the ER.I had to wait for what seemed like forever,so I decide to call Lifecare (it's a rehab hospital,like the other place they sent him)to find out what happened.The Nurse that I talked to said an aide came and got her and said something was wrong with him.She said that when she got to his room his counts were zero and he was blue.She also told me that the same thing had happended Friday night hours after he arrived there and that they called the ambulance,but that John refused to go REALLY???????? REALLY?????? I said to her,don't you realize when his counts are bad he's not lucid!!!!???!!!! She said yes,but I don't think so cause they never even called me that this was happening,if they had I would have been able to talk John into going in the ambulance,but instead they sent the ambulance back only to have them come back to take him a short few hours later. Remember in my last post I said that they found a small pneumonia in his upper left lung that wasn't there BEFORE they sent him out????? Well now it has completely taken over the WHOLE left lung.The x-ray they took when he got to the ER shows the whole lung white now.Oh and the pneumonia that he had in the lower right lung when he went into Icu back in May is STILL there.
Remember my bright idea about bring him home??? Well EVERYBODY fought me on it,Mike,Mary Jo & the Dr. Last wednesday a meeting was scheduled in John's ICU room with Mike,Mary Jo, me and the Hospice nurse.Turns out that they weren't going to give me ANY of the things that I needed to bring him home.The kids were happy because they wanted him to go to Lifecare for therapy so that they could at least get him to a point of being able to sit up and maybe even stand up eventually.John had been at Lifcare last year for rehab and it worked,so that's what they were picturing.Well now they are 100% behind me to bring him home.We can say with our mouths that we know that he doesn't have much longer,but not our hearts.There's so much more that I can tell you about all of this,but I can't even begin to type it all,it's so unbelievable what they've done to him.And do the Dr.'s ever ever call and talk to me???? NO and God forbid that you try to call them cause you can't get past their office people.John's primary Dr. is also my Dr.Sunday I began to fully realize what all this is doing to me physically.I am NOT the important one here,but since he's the one that's always saying that I'm seriously ill,you'd think this Dr. might give me just one little thought and call me to talk about John.
So today I will start all over again to try to get the help I need to bring John home.
I've included some pictures of the fence that I FINALLY succeded in at least getting that done. We both wanted this since we found the house.It's meant to protect and keep Sissy,the 2lb.Yorshireterrorist in.John's been asking about it ever since he went to the hospital.Last Thursday evening,the day the fence was finished,Ron took me,the pictures,AND Sissy to ICU!!!! John was so happy.The hospital room was so hot Sissy was drinking water out of a cup,so when we got home I knew she had to pee,so I put her out on the newly fenced in patio and she promptly jumped through the pickets,peed and jumped back in LOL!!!!!! Well I've got it all blocked now so the little bugger can't do that anymore HA!!!!
THANK YOU ALL for the VERY kind posts,prayers and emails. They mean more to me than I can tell you.
Posted by From Sherry's Heart at 4:26 AM