HOW Does One Make The Decision...

whether to just keep living one day at a time with monstorous things going on in my body that cause such pain that even with the constant doses of percocet and bentyl,I still at times want to scream,take it out now. Or the debilitating fatigue that makes me have to tell my friends on the phone that I don't have the energy to talk. I think I've reached the point now that I could easily sleep through the day,if I didn't force myself to get up. If you know Sherry,talking too much has NEVER been a problem for me LOL!!!!!
My chances of living with surgery or without are not very good. One surgeon here said that operating on me is certain death,BUT he's also an ass. I saw the sadness in my Dr.'s face when he told me that no surgeon will touch me here and that he wanted me to go to the Cleveland Clinic (they'll try anything there!!)I told him that I don't want to go and he said but we can't keep you alive here,I said,then I'll die. He said,I don't want you to die. So if I went for the surgery,which my Gyne Dr. says,would be long,difficult and probably would take 2 surgeons to do,how would I be afterwards. The MS has already taken enough from me due to other traumas. I don't care if I couldn't walk like I can now,only having to use a wheelchair if I'm out,but I couldn't stand to not be able to use my hands to create things like I can now. Also John can't take care of me,either can the kids.They work and have no room. I DO NOT EVER want to be put in a Nursing Home EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!

Sometimes on Saturdays I get an email from a beautiful,beautiful lady from my ebay group named Ann and she'll ask do I want to talk. So I'll call her.Yesterday she wrote and I thought,oh I'm too tired to talk and if anybody understands that it would be Ann but she's so sweet I wanted to call her. You see it has to be at certain times when she's able to talk to me and I'm honored that she wants to use her time and energy to talk to me. Ann has ALS so she is totally confined to a wheelchair and dependent on others. And Thank You God she has so many others helping her!!!!! And even another wonderful member of the group,Pam who's such a generous and giving person,will go to Ann's to visit with her and sew her binding on the rugs that she's still able to hook. I'm very fortunate to count these ladies among my wonderful friends. Ann is very happy and totally at peace with the coming end of her life. I so wish I could reach that point with her. We talk about it. Yesterday she said she hoped that it would be the brain tumor that would get me and I agree cause maybe it could be a coma and go peacefully,rather than the horrendous death of my colon bursting and becoming septic.

I still keep trying to work as much as I can. The 2" block hit or miss rug,was won by my buddy Lori Brechlin and I'm VERY honored that another of my rugs will be hanging in the old Notforgotten Farmhouse. The other rug is on ebay right now.
Yesterday I started hooking another rug and it was going so well that I forced myself NOT to take my daily nap and just keep hooking!!!!! So when I get off this puter I'm goin' back at it,but I may not get away with the no nap thing today LOL!!!!

HOOKIN' TIME!!!!!
Sherry.......OUT

UPDATE

John's doing pretty well. Actually he's doing VERY well considering everything!!!
This week the Physical Therapist and the nurse came to release him from home care. So now he'll go back to the rehab hospital where he was for 3 weeks for out patient physical therapy.They have more equipment there for him to use to build muscle strength. He's there right now for his 1st day. We don't know yet how many times a week he'll be scheduled for yet,he'll find out today. I think it's GREAT!!!! Now we won't have to have all these people comin' in & out of here all the time. We've both had enough of that and Sissy too!!!!!

We had back to back appointments last week with our family Dr.He said John's doing well & released him to drive again,LOL how does he think we got there!!!!!
As for me,not so good. Still have thrush (since October)and have developed something else on my tongue along with it.Don't know what it is,it starts with a P though.
He also said that there's no surgeon here that will touch me. I'd have to go to Cleveland to a trauma hospital.He told John if I get a fever and he sees bleeding to call. John said call you and he said no,an ambulance and have them take her to Cleveland. I said they won't do that and also I'm NOT going. He said,well I can stabalize you at the ER here,but that would be all they could do,because I will be septic. He feels bad,I know cause he said we don't want you to die and I said,well you're forgetting about the brain tumor & the MS. IF I could survive the surgery,both would be affected and there's no one to take care of me & I will NOT go to a nursing home. I want to be able to still do the things I'm doing,even if I am much slower nowadays with getting things made & listed.
Don't you wish you could come up with all the things you'd like to say to the Dr. WHILE you're there,instead of when you go home and have a chance to think about what was said?????? Boy I sure do!!!!! About 3 times the Dr. said to me,"I didn't expect you to look this good". Wish I would have thought to ask what do you mean,for someone who's dying????? I'm thinkin' of writing him a letter. There's just never enough time to say everything while you're there AND he does AWHOLE LOT of talking & then says OH I gotta get goin' LOL!!!!!

Also wish someone could tell me what to do about the house.Stay here & wait till we get kicked out or look for a place. It's really hard to know what to do,cause I don't know how much time I have left. Only God knows that and so far he's not telling me.

On a lighter note I finally was able to add pictures here of a couple of NP's that I have listed on eBay right now.The blog just wouldn't let me before.Sometimes these blogs get temperamental!!! HA Don't we all!!!!!
I have MANY things that need finishing. I've decided that I need a Mini Me!!!! That way I could just sit & punch or hook or stitch and then throw it over to Mini Me to finish and list!!!!
I'm hooking another of my hit or miss rugs.This one is pretty different. Do you know these hit or miss rugs that I do actually take longer than other rugs???? I'll put a picture up when it's finished.

Till Next Time

Sherry.......OUT

FOOD FOR JOHN

We have a Social Worker from the hospital. She came a week ago yesterday. Haven't heard back from her yet.But she did tell us that the meals on wheels costs.I always thought that was free. Also they could send someone in to clean,but that costs $15 to $30 an hour.
Then a Social worker came last Monday from the Senior center of the city we live in.
Her and I could prolly talk all day!!!!! She's into primitives and goes all over the place and mostly looks for true antique painted furniture. Names and places were flying back and forth between us that we both knew and have been to. In fact she needs to check if she has anything made by me cause she's been to the shows I used to do and the stores that I sold wholesale to. She wants to do so much for us that I ended up crying and just had to hug her. I thought WOW maybe somebody's really gonna help us!!!!! So anyhoo she said I'm going to call your Dr. and get meals on wheels started right away. John asked,how do I pay,do I give them money when they come??? Katie (that's her name)said nope you're not going to pay anything. UNBELEIVABLE that WE would get something FREE!!!!!!
So Friday was our 1st day. A lady came about 11:00 and handed me 2 meals. They were for the main course,elbow macaroni with hamburg,tomato sauce & kidney beans all mixed together,about 1/2 cup of green beens,a roll & 1 pat of butter & 1/2 cup applesauce. I let John have mine.
We didn't know that they don't come on Saturday & Sunday.
Today @ 11:00 a lady brought the meals. Today was in each meal,a piece of boneless ribs,about 2" X 4",1/2 cup of corn,piece of bread & 1/2 cup applesauce.I let John have mine. This is fine. If I give him mine then it's enough for him and he gets a meal. I'll just stick to my sandwich for lunch and a bowl of cereal with some fruit on it at nite.
He's doing very well,I think. The nurse is just going to come once a week now. The Physical Therapist comes twice.She was just here at 9 this a.m. I'll tell ya what,I couldn't do the exercises that he's doing!!!! She usually takes him out for a walk with his walker while she pushes the oxygen tank,but they didn't do that today,cause it's sunny but very chilly here. We want to start working on transitioning him to out patient PT back at the rehab place where he was for 3 weeks. Gotta make sure that he can drive and that Medicare will cover it.They have good equipment there that he was on while he was there. They also have WI (is that right??)that they had him working on. He played golf with the nurse and said it's a real work out. He like to get one for here. I told him,well then we should get one,if it's going to keep him active and help.
I know all my grandkids have it & it really looks cool on TV,but I don't know diddly about it. Do any of you have one?????

As for me,I'm getting more & more tired. I feel like I could sleep round the clock!!!! In fact Friday I laid down about 3,woke up once to pee & get a pain pill and went back to sleep till 10:00!!!!! Gives new meaning to an afternoon nap huh LOL!!!!!!! Being in constant pain sure wears ya out,BUT it also makes me mad,because all this sleeping doesn't allow for getting much work done!!!! I have several pieces punched that need to be finished,but I just end up sittin' in my chair with my feet up just punchin' MORE things to add to the pile of UFO'S!!!!!
I did get 2 pieces finished YEAH!!!!!! They're on ebay now.
Thanks For reading my yada yada!!!! Ya know there was a time that I had a life that I could have written about LOL!!!!! Maybe I should just start making up stories that would be more interesting to read!!!!!!
WELL,
Sherry aka:The Queen......OUT